The truth within Alexis

Taking the the time to thank all of you for reading i hope y'all like it. well my name is Alexis and i started this just because i always have i love to write especially about things in my head and stories in my life. Sometimes we just need the time to write out our feelings or say it out loud to really establish who we are. Which I'm doing here just shedding some light on my life and saying things that are hard to really communicated but are easy to write. I'd love if y'all give me feedback or comment on my post and tell me what you think. how you feel? or let me know of any questions or ideas y'all have for future post. Thanks again and i hope to hear from y'all. 

Summer of 2016, is most defiantly a blur of bars being popped, alcohol, and weed. Summer fun and Summer love. but in some sense also a deep depression that was hard to shake that followed into my next semester in college. made waking up hard going to class difficult, i didn't have motivation fro anything except sparking one in the morning. A lot of things lend to this  unforgiving relationships trips down memory lane with my parents about my childhood i toke so long to block off. i don't think anyone can every understand the trauma i went through those years, but i chose to speak to no one to hold it ion to deal with it on my own. i dint want to be known as the girl that was sexually assaulted for years by her older cousin. Wow. first time i say that out loud, my parents knew of it but they knew it as a one time thing that they must have figured i didn't remember but the truth was i did i hated him the sight of him everything about him. and they forced me to speak to him. ...

Have you ever loved someone just because you know it was forbidden? or was it just lust? the fire and passion of two people wanting to be together so bad. Mine was real but it was also messy. the more i devoted myself to him the more i became a property i wasn't my own person in a relationship he saw me as something he could control something he could toy with. he used me played me cheated on me, yet i apologized for giving him a reason to can you believe that like i could truly do some sort of thing to give someone a reason to cheat. i was just so blinded by the manliness the wanting to be my own person for once. By wanting to disobey my father to for once do something exciting as to be with someone they would never approve of. my feelings were sealed tight i knew what i was doing and felt it wasn't love... or was it?  months went by and i knew he'd leave soon. to Virginia with his mother he went. i told him to stay that i loved him. id make him happy give him a reason to...

I need him to know. To know that i don't forgive for what hes done and did. To know as much as i play the bad bitch i do sit and cry. you tugged at my heartstrings with beautiful green eyes. you made me feel a kind of love women dream of. i introduced you to my family because you swore you were forever. i introduced you to the person i hide from most the real me. the one who use to flutter and blush at the sound or touch of you. the one you brought fire to with every gaze or kiss. Now i cringe at the slight murmur of your name the love i once felt is nothing but pain. you brought fire between my lips with the simplest things. how willingly i devoted myself to your every waking wish. a call or need i raced to your side day or night. till even the day you told me she was in your life to her house and back i toke you whatever you needed i did. you took my love for granted. you broke me like never before. you made me believe in a love fantasy 10 year old me told me to ignore. i was wa...