Unspoken words

I need him to know. To know that i don't forgive for what hes done and did. To know as much as i play the bad bitch i do sit and cry. you tugged at my heartstrings with beautiful green eyes. you made me feel a kind of love women dream of. i introduced you to my family because you swore you were forever. i introduced you to the person i hide from most the real me. the one who use to flutter and blush at the sound or touch of you. the one you brought fire to with every gaze or kiss. Now i cringe at the slight murmur of your name the love i once felt is nothing but pain. you brought fire between my lips with the simplest things. how willingly i devoted myself to your every waking wish. a call or need i raced to your side day or night. till even the day you told me she was in your life to her house and back i toke you whatever you needed i did. you took my love for granted. you broke me like never before. you made me believe in a love fantasy 10 year old me told me to ignore. i was warned about boys like you. but my heart grew with every late phone call. every kiss. every sleepover we had. you knew everything about me. you demolished every wall and barrier to my heart day by day you continued to enter. how can one go from promises to lies. you said wed grow old together oh, how i knew those were broken promises and lies but it was the hope you gave me the chocking grip to my heart you had. the amount of trust the amount of love to tore it apart there was no more to give you had it all, all my time. all the time i wasted on you, ohh the one special time i wasted. that was supposed to be for someone perfect but the sad truth was it was perfect. do i regret it? no! i remember it actually day in day out it replays in my head our one special night we had in the summer night in my room with faint smell of weed on your mouth. the amazing feeling you gave me how you awoke every nerve in my body. you will never understand the levels of love i felt for you and the level of hate i have for you. in a span of 24 hours i erased your name from my memory. to never be spoke of to never hear from. my family knows to never bring your name up for the feeling in the pit of stomach returns the same feeling of hurt over comes. how can you truly recover from a love i felt for you. 6 years given to you not just in relationships but in friendship. all the tears i shed for you and memories i regained to you when u sat in your hospital bed unaware of what your life was. who people were. names of people who loved you the most were complete strangers. what would i do you lost everything and everyone. you had no idea who i was crap who you were. what was i going to do you were the one i could count on that i went to for laugh just a friend that was the great thing you knew when to be a friend and when to be my boyfriend. you place my heart back together after Cameron left you taught me there was more to life you made me fall in love. but in all to walk away to leave broken again only this time into a billion tiny pieces. out history our memories all gone and erased. well i try to its hard when you were such a huge part of my life. but i will no ;longer dwell on the could haves and should haves i did nothing but give you my all but you deiced it was something you dint want anymore something you deiced after taking my life. but that is fine you will now fade away in the rear view mirror of my heart this is to everything and nothing of what you are all the lies and broken promises will no longer be able to harm me. for you have yourself to live with it and live with a relationship of lies. goodbye for now. goodbye forever Marcos.